Need sex. Gaining weight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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