my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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