I look better un-naked...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
