She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
