In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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