At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
being pregnant is like rehab
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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