yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
