home. puking in laundry basket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
cat food counts as protein by the way
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
