Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
