with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
