She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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