I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
