What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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