my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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