Im at strip club and am horny
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
