I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm too high and old for this...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
