I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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