I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
