I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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