I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
