I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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