you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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