there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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