i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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