take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
