bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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