is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
