he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
