I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
