Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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