pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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