think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
