I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
