im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
