just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
