The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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