help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
