how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
