The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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