Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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