note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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