i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
