I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
