3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
