the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
