I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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