Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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