You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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