I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
