I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
