you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
