Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
