Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
