There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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