Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
