Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
