I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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