Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you. Go after that dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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