There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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