i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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